Luke 17:3 Ministries Inc
Friday, October 31, 2014
For Adult Daughters of Controlling or Abusive Birth-Families

Why They Abuse, Betray, or Abandon You

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A MAN'S ENEMIES WILL BE THE MEMBERS OF HIS OWN HOUSEHOLD.....Matthew 10:36 NIV    

 

 

CONSIDER IT PURE JOY, MY BROTHERS, WHENEVER YOU FACE TRIALS OF MANY KINDS, BECAUSE YOU KNOW THAT THE TESTING OF YOUR FAITH DEVELOPS PERSEVERANCE.  PERSEVERANCE MUST FINISH ITS WORK SO THAT YOU MAY BE MATURE AND COMPLETE, NOT LACKING ANYTHING.....James 1:2-4 NIV

 

 

BELOVED, THINK IT NOT STRANGE CONCERNING THE FIERY TRIAL WHICH IS TO TRY YOU, AS THOUGH SOME STRANGE THING HAPPENED UNTO YOU: BUT REJOICE, INASMUCH AS YE ARE PARTAKERS OF CHRIST'S SUFFERINGS; THAT, WHEN HIS GLORY SHALL BE REVEALED, YE MAY BE GLAD ALSO WITH EXCEEDING JOY....1 Peter 4:12-13 KJV

 

 

GLORY TO GOD!  SISTERS, WHENEVER YOU WONDER 'WHY?', AND YOU ARE THINKING AND SEEING WITH WORLDLY EYES, DO NOT LOSE SIGHT OF THE BIG PICTURE - GOD'S PICTURE!  GOD IS ALWAYS IN CONTROL! PRAISE HIS WONDERFUL NAME!

 

 

Nowhere in the Bible are we instructed to 'psychoanalyze' offensive/abusive people.  We are not told in the Scriptures to try and 'understand' why our abuser behaves as she does.  We are not told to excuse her abuse because she herself was an abused child, she has 'issues', low self-esteem, "personality disorders", etc., etc. Instead, we are taught how to respond to abuse, and how to deal directly with offenders and their behavior, regardless of their 'reasons'. We are told, very clearly, to rebuke, to forgive if there is repentance, and to have nothing to do with her if there is no repentance. (Luke 17:3, Ezekiel 33:8-9, Titus 3:10-11, 1 Timothy 5:20, Matthew 18:15-17

 

 

***For more on this subject, see sections on Forgiveness, Rebuking, Repenting & Apologies, Setting & Enforcing Limits & Boundaries, The Silent Partner, and Reprobates & Cutting Ties.

 

****For those dealing with extreme cases (see 'Reprobates & Cutting Ties'), we also recommend the book, 'THE SOCIOPATH NEXT DOOR- 1 in 25 Ordinary Americans Has No Conscience And Can Do Anything At All Without Feeling Guilty.  Who Is The Devil YOU Know?'  by Martha Stout, Ph.D.

 

 

Here are some worldly reasons for abusive behavior.  Can you think of any others?  Please contribute to our site-let us know your ideas and we'll add them to the list! Thanks!

 

***A Special Thank You to all who took the time to contribute to this list.  We can learn so much from your voices of experience!  God bless you all:)

They need to believe you're still their 'little girl' in need of discipline and rearing

Jealousy or Envy

Guilt

They want revenge against someone who hurt them, but because they can't get it, they act out their fantasies on those close to them.

Threatened by you in some way (your intelligence, independence, strength, sense of humor, etc.)

Inferior-feeling and need to bring you down to their level

Attention-grabbing

They mistake your 'niceness' for 'weakness', and they prey on weak people.

Thinks others 'owe' them

They thrive on conflict and crisis

Power-trip

Selfish, it's all-about-me attitude. 

Because they can get away with it

They think things will fall apart if they don't run the show

Trying to deflect attention away from something they're doing by drawing attention to you in a negative way

Enjoy causing trouble and upsetting others- as if they were the puppet-master and you were the puppet

Miserable in their own lives, and misery loves company

Superior feeling- think they have the right to judge or criticize others

THEY DON'T CARE about you or anyone else but themselves. You are only there to benefit them.  When you cease to be useful or don't give the Narcissistic Supply they want, they will punish you.

They resent you for rocking the boat

You make them look cowardly when you finally take a stand

You make them take a harder look at their own relationships by taking a stand in your relationships

They abuse & control you because it works!

Copyright 2002-2014.-All articles on this site are copyrighted. Permission to copy is granted for non-profit use only.Please help yourself to anything we write if you can use it to help others. A link back to this site is our only requirement. Please contact us for any commercial or other use. All e-mails, letters, and other correspondence become the property of Luke 17:3 Ministries, Inc. Due to the large volume of e-mails, we're sorry that we are unable to personally answer every one, but we do lift everyone who writes to us in prayer to the Lord.
The Lord specifically called Sister Renee to minister to Adult Children, not their parents, estranged siblings or friends, abusive or abused spouses, or victims of other types of abuse, although what we write here can often be meaningful for those folks as well. Because of this, our ministry and website have a narrow focus which we will not be changing. We simply can't cover everything. In addition, it is not our purpose to help you re-establish contact with someone who felt it was necessary to cut you off for the sake of their own well-being. We do not keep a list of resources for estranged parents or any other type of abuse and suggest if you are sincerely interested in making amends with an estranged relative, you do an internet search for a website or group that will be more relevant to you. If you cannot find a group or site that you can relate to, we suggest you start your own, and bless other people in your position as well as find support for your personal issues. 
For Adult Children and others as well, please understand that we cannot give you personal advice concerning your particular family relationships.  We are not therapists or lawyers, we usually do not have enough information to form an opinion, and time does not permit us to give enough thought to each person's individual situation to do it justice. If you need personal advice, we urge you to contact the appropriate professional, depending on the problem you have- your minister, therapist, attorney, police department, local domestic violence hotline, etc. In reading this site, you acknowledge that nothing you might read here qualifies as or substitutes for professional advice. Please note we cannot recommend or refer you to a counselor and we do not have a list of therapists or recovery groups in your area. The only Counselor we recommend is the Holy Ghost, and we encourage you to read the Bible and learn for yourself what the Lord says about the issues we write about.
Our articles are strictly our personal opinions and testimonies and are not intended to give or offer any advice. All who access this site do so with the understanding that we are NOT professional counselors and we strongly recommend that you discuss your individual situation with your pastor or therapist and pray for the Lord's guidance before acting on anything we write on this site. Unfortunately, the abuse we discuss is all too common, inflicted on countless victims by countless perpetrators. All names and identifying details in our articles have been changed to protect the innocent as well as the guilty. Any resemblance to a real person or persons whom you might know is strictly coincidental.