MAY 2007 Newsletter
LUKE 17:3 Ministries
for adult daughters
A sisterhood for those who seek support in developing self-esteem, setting boundaries and limits, forgiveness, Godly confrontation, recognizing and cutting ties with reprobates, healing, and rejoicing in the peace and love of
the Lord, our Father
HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY, DEAR SISTERS!
THE ONLY FORM OF ABUSE STILL CONDONED BY SOCIETY. THE ONLY ABUSE IN WHICH THE VICTIM IS CRITICIZED OR ABANDONED FOR TRYING TO PROTECT HERSELF. CHILD ABUSE THAT DIDN’T END WHEN ADULTHOOD BEGAN…THE CONTINUING ABUSE OF GROWN CHILDREN BY THEIR PARENTS.
If you have ever experienced Adult Child Abuse by a parent, sibling, or other relative, We Welcome You!
Our newsletter is sent to you free-of-charge, as the Lord continually provides. Do you know someone who would like to be on our mailing list?
If so, please contact:
Rev. Renee Pittelli
Luke 17:3 Ministries, Inc.
or E-mail us at:
VISIT OUR WEBSITE AT:
Please ask about our Luke 17:3 Ministry
Thank you Jesus!
ANNOUNCING LUKE 17:3 MINISTRIES 2ND ANNUAL
SAY NO TO ADULT-CHILD ABUSE WEEK
We will celebrate S.N.A.C.A. Week every year starting the Sunday after Mother’s Day to honor, encourage, and stand up for all the Adult Children everywhere who spent Mother’s Day hurting, aggravated, and stressed out because of abusive, controlling, or abandoning birth-families.
For S.N.A.C.A. Week, we will:
1. Spend five minutes every day this week lifting all abuse victims to the Lord in prayer, praying for protection for them, for the courage to do what they must to change their circumstances or leave their abusive relationships, and for peace of mind and heart.
2. Tell at least one person the truth about our abusive relative this week. Promise ourselves that for the rest of the year, we will not protect our abusive relative by our silence any longer, we will reveal the abuse to others, and will bring all deeds done in darkness into the light. Tell the truth and the truth shall set us free!
3. This week, we will choose one limit that we are going to set and enforce with our abusive or controlling birth-relative from now on.
4. This week, we will choose one thing we dread doing, but always get pressured into, such as spending a holiday with an abusive relative, and decide not to do it this year. By the end of the week, we will make concrete plans to do something else instead, and carry them out when the time comes.
5. This week, we will think of one thing we want to do, but haven’t yet, because of our family’s disapproval. We will commit to doing it this year, or, if it’s something long-term like finishing our education, commit to starting it this year.
6. This week, we will commit to validating, encouraging, and praying for any abuse victim the Lord causes to cross our paths for the rest of the year.
Please spread the word to your friends!
Join us and let’s take a stand together to stop birth family-abuse, by the grace of God
STARTING SUNDAY, MAY 20th!
Please tell your friends about SNACA Week and post it on your message boards and chat groups. We would be very thankful if you would ask everyone to pray for the success of SNACA Week in bringing comfort, encouragement, and the love of the Lord to Adult Children and all abuse victims. For more info, log onto www.luke173ministries.org. Thanks & God bless J
I Am A Soldier In The Army Of God!
I am a soldier in the Army of God.
The Lord Jesus Christ is my Commanding Officer.
The Holy Bible is my code of conduct.
Faith, prayer, and the Word are my weapons of warfare.
I have been taught by the Holy Spirit,
Trained by experience,
Tried by adversity,
And tested by fire.
I am a volunteer in this Army,
And I am enlisted for eternity.
I will either retire in this Army at the rapture,
Or die in this Army;
But I will not get out,
be talked out,
or be pushed out.
I am faithful, reliable, capable, and dependable.
If my God needs me, I am there!
I am a soldier. I am not a baby.
I do not need to be pampered, petted, primed up, picked up, or pepped up.
I am a soldier.
No one has to call me, remind me, write me, visit me, entice me, or lure me.
I am a soldier. I am not a wimp.
I am in place, saluting my King,
Obeying His orders,
praising His name,
and building His kingdom!
No one has to send me flowers, gifts, food, cards, candy,
Or give me handouts.
I do not need to be coddled, cradled, cared for, or catered to.
I am committed.
I cannot have my feelings hurt badly enough to turn me around.
I cannot be discouraged enough to turn me aside.
I cannot lose enough to cause me to quit.
When Jesus called me into this Army, I had nothing.
If I end up with nothing, I will still come out ahead.
I will win.
My God has, and will continue, to supply all of my needs.
I am more than a conqueror.
I will always triumph.
I can do all things through Christ.
Devils cannot defeat me,
people cannot disillusion me,
Weather cannot weary me,
sickness cannot stop me.
Battles cannot beat me,
money cannot buy me.
Governments cannot silence me,
And hell cannot handle me.
I am a soldier.
Even death cannot destroy me.
For when my Commander calls me from this battlefield,
He will promote me to Captain and
Then allow me to rule with Him.
I am a soldier in God’s Army,
And I am marching to claim the victory.
I will not give up.
I will not turn around.
I am a soldier, marching heaven bound!
Here I stand! Will you stand with me?
...Written by B.J. Morbitzer
Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands….Isaiah 49: 15-16
Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me. Teach me your way, O Lord: lead me in a straight path because of my oppressors….Psalm 27:10-11
No one will be able to stand up against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you: I will never leave you nor forsake you….Joshua 1:5
Naked came I from my mother’s womb, and naked will I depart. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised….Job
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us…..Romans 8:37
To do what is right and just is more acceptable to the Lord than sacrifice…..Proverbs 21:3
They Can’t All Be Wrong And You Right…Or Can They?
Family Mob Mentality, The Pathological Denial of The Truth, And The Scapegoating Of Those Who Speak It.
THE LORD OF THE FLIES
THE DISCIPLE IS NOT ABOVE HIS MASTER, NOR THE SERVANT ABOVE HIS LORD. IT IS ENOUGH FOR THE DISCIPLE THAT HE BE AS HIS MASTER, AND THE SERVANT AS HIS LORD. IF THEY HAVE CALLED THE MASTER OF THE HOUSE BEELZEBUB, HOW MUCH MORE SHALL THEY CALL THEM OF HIS HOUSEHOLD?...Matthew -25KJV
The translation of "Beelzebub", which is one of Satan's names, is "Lord of the Flies".
In an abusive family, there is usually one “ALPHA DOG” evil person, who is perceived by the others as the most powerful, and who controls the family, usually overtly and blatantly, but sometimes behind-the-scenes. However, many, if not most, other members possess abusive traits and tendencies as well, which they must keep in check simply because they are not in the “ALPHA DOG” position, and they do not
want the real Alpha to think they are challenging him. In true “Lord of the Flies” fashion, they gain power-by-association and vicarious thrills by aligning themselves with the one they perceive as Alpha- the strongest and most wicked- and ganging up on the one who is the most helpless and vulnerable. Then they can stay in Alpha’s favor by taking his side, and feel powerful themselves, if only for a little while, by dominating the more helpless person. Just like the chickens we’ll discuss later, there is a pecking order to be maintained. MANY SEEK AN AUDIENCE WITH A RULER, BUT IT IS FROM THE LORD THAT MAN GETS JUSTICE….Proverbs 29:26.
This type of Mob Mentality was used against an innocent Jesus by the Jews who saw him as a threat to their identity, power, and control. Their desperation to eliminate him was so extreme that they insisted he had to be destroyed. They would consider no other reasonable alternatives. In their panic to maintain their power structure, they worked themselves up to a fever pitch. They gladly annihilated Jesus just to shut him up:
ONCE MORE PILATE CAME OUT AND SAID TO THE JEWS, “LOOK, I AM BRINGING HIM OUT TO YOU TO LET YOU KNOW THAT I FIND NO BASIS FOR A CHARGE AGAINST HIM.”…AS SOON AS THE CHIEF PRIESTS AND THEIR OFFICIALS SAW HIM, THEY SHOUTED, “CRUCIFY! CRUCIFY!” BUT PILATE ANSWERED, “YOU TAKE HIM AND CRUCIFY HIM. AS FOR ME, I FIND NO BASIS FOR A CHARGE AGAINST HIM.”
THE JEWS INSISTED, “WE HAVE A LAW, AND ACCORDING TO THAT LAW, HE MUST DIE, BECAUSE HE CLAIMED TO BE THE SON OF GOD.” WHEN PILATE HEARD THIS, HE WAS EVEN MORE AFRAID, AND HE WENT BACK INSIDE THE PALACE. “WHERE DO YOU COME FROM?” HE ASKED JESUS, BUT JESUS GAVE HIM NO ANSWER. “DO YOU REFUSE TO SPEAK TO ME? PILATE SAID. “DON’T YOU REALIZE I HAVE POWER EITHER TO FREE YOU OR TO CRUCIFY YOU?”
JESUS ANSWERED, “YOU WOULD HAVE NO POWER OVER ME IF IT WERE NOT GIVEN TO YOU FROM ABOVE. THEREFORE THE ONE WHO HANDED ME OVER TO YOU IS GUILTY OF A GREATER SIN.”
FROM THEN ON, PILATE TRIED TO SET JESUS FREE, BUT THE JEWS KEPT SHOUTING, “IF YOU LET THIS MAN GO, YOU ARE NO FRIEND OF CAESAR. ANYONE WHO CLAIMS TO BE A KING OPPOSES CAESAR.” WHEN PILATE HEARD THIS, HE BROUGHT JESUS OUT…. “HERE IS YOUR KING,” PILATE SAID TO THE JEWS. BUT THEY SHOUTED, “TAKE HIM AWAY! TAKE HIM AWAY! CRUCIFY HIM!”…..John 19: 4, 6-13, 14-15.
A CASE OF ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT
I DO NOT SIT WITH DECEITFUL MEN, NOR DO I CONSORT WITH HYPOCRITES; I ABHOR THE ASSEMBLY OF EVILDOERS AND REFUSE TO SIT WITH THE WICKED….Psalm 26:4
In my family, my relatives were well aware that my heart was broken because my mother chose to disown me rather than agree that I needed and deserved some freedom from her constant demands of exposure to my abusive father. I was distraught over her decision for weeks, and they knew it. My one cousin, let’s call her “Agnes”, whom I had loved and supported unconditionally since birth, seemed a little cool when, in tears, I told her what my mother had done. As soon as she had an alternate explanation from my mother, although it was obviously untrue, it gave her an excuse to betray me and “choose sides.”
It is interesting that Agnes had many issues with, and quite a bit of resentment against, her own mother, who was my father’s sister. Yet she continued to be the “good little girl”, relentlessly seeking her mother’s approval even under unreasonable conditions, although she herself was now a grandmother. She did not stand up to her mother and set limits. Did she feel threatened by my knowing and possibly revealing this during my own “mother-turmoil”- so that it was “safer” to eliminate me? Did she envy that I was now free, even though I didn’t plan it that way, and she wasn’t? Or did she feel even more of a compulsion to assure her own mother that she was still a good, obedient, little girl, by showing her disapproval of me standing up to my parents?
A mature and righteous person remains neutral, does not take sides or meddle, and perhaps tries to help the parties settle their differences and reconcile. I had done this for Agnes in one of her relationships a few years earlier, and at the time she was extremely grateful. But here I was, in a similar situation, and instead of doing something constructive, this cousin added fuel to the fire. She allowed me to be lied about and maligned, judged me, passed false rumors around about me, and criticized me unjustly to others. She decided to take sides, something I had certainly not asked her to do. And when she did, it was to align herself with the older generation of women, whom she knew to be manipulative, controlling, and less than truthful, and to betray someone who had given her a lifetime of loyalty and love.
Agnes used her betrayal of me to prove her “respect” to her “elders” and win the approval of her own mother and her mother’s peers- my parents- although she lost the respect of most of the rest of the family. Did her 75-year old mother’s approval matter so much that she would allow it to dictate whom she could and could not have a relationship with? Was one of the reasons she ended our very close, lifelong relationship to please her mother?
Allowing your mother to have such influence and control over your life that she makes relationship choices for you is something you have to accept when you are a child, something you might go along with when you’re in your twenties, pretty unattractive when you’re in your 30s, but downright Norman Bates-like when you’re pushing 50! Unfortunately, in many abusive families, pleasing parents or other relatives, even when what they demand is morally wrong, or even if they are wicked people, takes precedence. Treachery is an ugly thing. There is a huge character flaw in adults who allow others to influence them in such matters. They are selling out a loved one to buy approval and please someone else.
Often weaker or immature family members are cases of arrested development, still desperately seeking the approval of others, especially parents, to make up for the love they think they never got as children. They may be grandparents themselves, like Agnes, but they still want their mommy and daddy’s love no matter who they have to stab in the back to get it. The price is high. Every time one compromises her principles and does the wrong thing, she loses some of herself, and sells a bit of her soul to buy approval, which will never come. Meanwhile, the unscrupulous parent-figure will continue to manipulate the weaker-willed “child” by withholding their approval and demanding more and more as proof of loyalty.
DON’T ROCK THE BOAT
In abusive families, the “blame-the-victim” mentality is alive and well. It is almost universal that the victim will be resented, often chastised or criticized, and possibly even disowned, for “rocking the boat”, while no anger at all will be shown toward the offender. THE RIGHTEOUS CARE ABOUT JUSTICE FOR THE POOR, BUT THE WICKED HAVE NO SUCH CONCERN…Proverbs 29:7.
There is great resistance to a change in the status-quo. The thinking seems to be that the offender has always been a problem, we all know it, and we all just live with it, same as we have all these years. But now, someone who has never been a problem in the past has suddenly become one- simply by becoming a victim, or rather by her ongoing victimization suddenly becoming an issue, when it never was before. Her new role as victim was forced upon her against her will, but in dysfunctional families, the victim is always more to blame for “putting the family” in an awkward or embarrassing position, than the perpetrator is for causing it.
Although unwillingly and unintentionally, the victim has stepped out of her assigned role and is now a threat to the stability of the family. She must be “kept in line” by the disapproval, invalidation, or lack of caring the family will show towards her, otherwise, she might do more damage to the collective family “ego” by letting more skeletons out of the closet, or revealing what is really going on to “outsiders”. After all, we have a “reputation” to protect!
The same tactics will be used against a family member who has not necessarily been victimized, but who is righteous and takes a stand against evil. Often, this person is trying to protect others, or to just speak up against something she knows is wrong. Maybe she has been silent for years, and suddenly her eyes have been opened or she has matured and gathered enough strength to start speaking out.
It is often many years into their adulthoods before those who were raised in abusive families realize that what they are experiencing is not normal, and is indeed, evil. With God’s grace, they find the courage to speak out and rock the boat. In so doing, they compel the rest of the family to choose between good and evil by choosing whom to support and whom to reject. Now each family member will be forced to reveal their character and show their true colors. They resent being exposed, and the one who exposed them- either the victim or the righteous person, but never the abuser- is considered the “trouble-maker”.
UGLY LITTLE FAMILY SECRETS
HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH THE FRUITLESS DEEDS OF DARKNESS, BUT RATHER EXPOSE THEM….Ephesians 5:11
SO DO NOT BE AFRAID OF THEM. THERE IS NOTHING CONCEALED THAT WILL NOT BE DISCLOSED, OR HIDDEN THAT WILL NOT BE MADE KNOWN. WHAT I TELL YOU IN THE DARK, SPEAK IN THE DAYLIGHT; WHAT IS WHISPERED IN YOUR EAR, PROCLAIM FROM THE ROOFS. DO NOT BE AFRAID OF THOSE WHO KILL THE BODY BUT CANNOT KILL THE SOUL. RATHER, BE AFRAID OF THE ONE WHO CAN DESTROY BOTH SOUL AND BODY IN HELL....Matthew 10:26-28.
Abusive families usually have closets full of skeletons. Their way of dealing with such issues does not involve courage, integrity, honor or truth, because they are sadly lacking in all of these characteristics. Dysfunctional families, as a whole and individually, have significant shortages in this department. Few will ever take a stand and defend a victim, even a child, and anyone with the courage to do so will quickly be shut-up or discredited as the family goes into “damage-control” mode. Every violation of a defenseless, weaker, or gentle-hearted person, each crime against the spirit of an innocent family member is simply filed away in the usually huge box of deep, dark, dirty little “Family Secrets”, hopefully never to be spoken of again.
In many ways, an abusive family is an ugly group, made up of ugly people. Knowing the family will never change, the victim of such ugliness often has little choice but to run away and escape. And the righteous person often must accept that she cannot change such people, and must make the empowering choice to walk away rather than be tainted by their wickedness. WARN A DIVISIVE PERSON ONCE, AND THEN WARN HIM A SECOND TIME. AFTER THAT, HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH HIM…Titus 3:10.
WE’RE ONE BIG HAPPY FAMILY AND DON’T YOU DARE LET ANYONE THINK WE’RE NOT!
IF A MAN PAYS BACK EVIL FOR GOOD, EVIL WILL NEVER LEAVE HIS HOUSE….Proverbs 17:13
WOE TO THOSE WHO CALL EVIL GOOD AND GOOD EVIL, WHO PUT DARKNESS FOR LIGHT AND LIGHT FOR DARKNESS…WHO ACQUIT THE GUILTY FOR A BRIBE BUT DENY JUSTICE TO THE INNOCENT….Isaiah 5:20, 23.
Possibly, somewhere deep inside, abuse-enabling members feel remorse or shame. More likely, they feel the need to protect themselves from the embarrassment of others knowing the truth about them. They will go to great lengths to cover up their lack of integrity and courage, ignoring or denying the abuse, blaming the victim, lying and twisting words, shunning or otherwise “punishing” the victim, and discrediting the victim to other people. The vehemence with which they do these things is indicative of how high the stakes are in their cover-up.
If people believe the truth about their lowlife family when it is revealed, how will they look for not having done anything about it? What will others think of them for having allowed abuse, disloyalty, or treachery to thrive in their family without ever doing anything to put a stop to it? The shame and disgrace of not having done anything to protect a victim in their own family will be on their heads, and everyone will know the truth about them and their character.
The goal becomes preventing anyone else from finding out the family secrets, as well as forbidding any honest communication within the family, instead of doing anything constructive to change things. After all, if everyone was open and honest and told the truth, then the family would be obligated to do something about it, or be seen for the weak, morally bankrupt losers that they are. Far easier to hide their heads in the sand and continue on as usual, pretending nothing ever happened.
The only problem is that the victim serves as a constant reminder that something DID happen, and nobody did the right thing and defended her or validated her. Therefore, the only way for the family to be able to live with itself and look good to others is to invalidate the victim, shut her up, minimize or deny what was done to her, and force her to go along with the family agenda of pretending that everything is just fine.
THE RIGHTEOUS ONE TAKES NOTE OF THE HOUSE OF THE WICKED AND BRINGS THE WICKED TO RUIN. IF A MAN SHUTS HIS EARS TO THE CRY OF THE POOR, HE TOO WILL CRY OUT AND NOT BE ANSWERED…Proverbs -13.
In my own family, I am convinced that this dynamic played a role in my aunt and her two daughters, and certainly my mother and birth-sister, disowning me and my husband and children when I began standing up to my birth-father’s abuse. These five people had witnessed his evil all their lives. Sometimes it had been directed at them, sometimes they had silently watched an innocent victim be abused. They had complained about it, talked about it, and pretended to think it was terrible. But they had never actually done anything about it. SPEAK UP FOR THOSE WHO CANNOT SPEAK FOR THEMSELVES, FOR THE RIGHTS OF ALL WHO ARE DESTITUTE, SPEAK UP AND JUDGE FAIRLY….Proverbs 31:8-9.
Their silence condoned my birth-father’s wickedness and he viewed it as approval. They made it possible for him to continue abusing unchallenged. By not trying to stop him, they encouraged him. They were a part of it, just as guilty as he was. They had never stood up for what was right- and when I did, it made them aware of their own cowardice and moral failures. When we take a stand against oppression and evil, those who don’t are often filled with shame and can no longer feel comfortable in our presence. They need to avoid the good person (or the VICTIM), or be reminded constantly of their own disgrace, so, rather than purge the evil from their midst (EXPEL THE WICKED MAN FROM AMONG YOU…1 Corinthians ), they shun the one whose courage and righteousness are constant reminders of their own failures and shame.
I like to call this attitude the “We’re One Big Happy Family And Don’t You Dare Let Anyone Think We’re Not” phenomena. In many dysfunctional families, it becomes very important for members to prove to themselves and others that they are normal and happy. In truly normal families, members enjoy their lives, loving and caring for each other, and never give this much thought. They don’t have to PROVE anything to anyone and they don’t have to PROVE they’re happy.
But in abusive families, much collective energy is spent on covering up the truth. It is a point of pride to be known in the community, or even in their own self-deception, as “one big happy family”. Abusive families like to show off and brag about this, in part to cover up what is really going on, in part to make others envy them, and in part to feel good about themselves, when in truth they have nothing to be proud of. The mere presence of a victim threatens the “one big happy family” fairy-tale that the relatives have so much vested in, therefore, it becomes imperative to deny that there is indeed a victim in the family.
THE BLACK SHEEP CONTENT
HE WARNED THE ASSEMBLY,” MOVE BACK FROM THE TENTS OF THESE WICKED MEN! DO NOT TOUCH ANYTHING BELONGING TO THEM, OR YOU WILL BE SWEPT AWAY BECAUSE OF ALL THEIR SINS”…Numbers
In many respects, abusive families are exactly the opposite of normal families. One of the most interesting aspects of this is the “Black Sheep Content” of the family, or how many “black sheep” the family contains. It is said that there is a “black sheep” in every family. Being defined as a “black sheep” in a normal family means a person is the one unrighteous relative who doesn’t care about anyone else and never does the right thing. He is someone whose behavior is unacceptable in a Godly family and in society as a whole.
The difference with abusive families is that they are ALL BLACK SHEEP. Or they certainly would be considered “black sheep” if they were members of a normal family, by virtue of their character deficits, personality disorders, lack of morality, selfishness, abusiveness, unlovingness, etc.
The thing is, THEY ARE NOT MEMBERS OF A NORMAL FAMILY. They are members of a family of “Black Sheep”, where everybody validates and encourages their unrighteous behavior and they fit in just fine. What is completely unacceptable elsewhere is perfectly acceptable in such a family. Wickedness is a way of life for them and enables them to get what they want by whatever means necessary. The family closes rank around a member who does evil because birds of a feather stick together.
TO THE PURE, ALL THINGS ARE PURE, BUT TO THOSE WHO ARE CORRUPTED AND DO NOT BELIEVE, NOTHING IS PURE. IN FACT, BOTH THEIR MINDS AND CONSCIENCES ARE CORRUPTED. THEY CLAIM TO KNOW GOD, BUT BY THEIR ACTIONS THEY DENY HIM. THEY ARE DETESTABLE, DISOBEDIENT, AND UNFIT FOR DOING ANYTHING GOOD....Titus 1:15-16.
There may be one family member who has always been giving, loving, sweet, and gentle in nature- the one that everyone else took advantage of and abused. Because of her humility and good-heartedness, this person was always in the background and never got much attention from the wicked family members, other than abuse- kind of like Cinderella. She is the “eagle raised by chickens”. This is what Kathy was in her family. But then someone, like Diane, goes overboard and victimizes this person in a major way, bringing her to the forefront of everyone else’s attention. For the first time she, and her righteousness, are noticed and cannot be denied. The very existence of a victim will have the abusive family scrambling to cover up, and twist the truth so that the victim becomes their “black sheep”.
A similar situation occurs when one or two family members rebel against the family system of abuse. That person or persons then will be scapegoated by the family and will become the abusive family’s “Black Sheep”. THE RIGHTEOUS DETEST THE DISHONEST; THE WICKED DETEST THE UPRIGHT…Proverbs 29:27. At some point, one can only hope, someone in such a family will begin standing up for what is right. Perhaps she has finally grown into a mature adult, perhaps she moved away for a while and got free from the family’s sphere of influence, perhaps she herself was victimized one too many times by her family, perhaps she observed the normal families of her friends and noticed and admired the differences. Or perhaps the Lord touched her heart.
Either way, somewhere along the line, someone becomes the one righteous family member, or one who has been righteous all along is finally noticed. This person’s presence threatens the entire family system- with exposure, public ridicule, pressure to change, etc. Imagine if this person’s example caused a second family member, or a third, to reject the family’s wickedness. The entire abusive family system would be in danger of collapse! To protect themselves and their evil ways, the family will trot out a whole arsenal of weapons- including denial, indignation, lies, anger, rage, irrationality, blame, threats, and “disowning” the rebel. Abusive families tend to close ranks and shut out anyone who is NOT LIKE US. This means anyone who has integrity, honor, honesty, kindness, courage, decency and especially LOVE. The righteousness of others highlights the glaring character deficiencies of the wicked. The children of Satan must either shut up or eliminate the children of God. PUT ON THE FULL ARMOR OF GOD SO THAT YOU CAN TAKE YOUR STAND AGAINST THE DEVIL’S SCHEMES. FOR OUR STRUGGLE IS NOT AGAINST FLESH AND BLOOD, BUT AGAINST THE RULERS, AGAINST THE AUTHORITIES, AGAINST THE POWERS OF THIS DARK WORLD AND AGAINST THE SPIRITUAL FORCES OF EVIL IN THE HEAVENLY REALMS. THEREFORE, PUT ON THE FULL ARMOR OF GOD, SO THAT WHEN THE DAY OF EVIL COMES, YOU MAY BE ABLE TO STAND YOUR GROUND, AND AFTER YOU HAVE DONE EVERYTHING, TO STAND…Ephesians 6:11-13
And so, in abusive families, the righteous are considered the “black sheep”, while in normal families, the unrighteous are the “black sheep”. In both kinds of families, the black sheep is given several opportunities to change her ways, and will be ostracized or punished in some way if she does not. The only way to be welcomed back into the fold, like the Prodigal Son, is to renounce one’s “misbehavior” and conform once again to what the family wants.
For the black sheep in a normal family, this means maturing and becoming a functioning, considerate, caring person, who behaves in ways acceptable to society, the family, and the Lord. For the black sheep in an abusive family, this means taking a giant step backwards in her growth and the development of her soul, compromising her principles, going back to accepting and defending evil, and in the process, becoming wicked herself. The only way to earn the acceptance of evil people is to become an evil person as well. For a Godly person, that is too high a price to pay. WHEN JUSTICE IS DONE, IT BRINGS JOY TO THE RIGHTEOUS BUT TERROR TO EVILDOERS…Proverbs 21:15.
THE EAGLE WHO WAS RAISED BY CHICKENS
I previously referred to the “eagle who was raised by chickens.” If you are unfamiliar with this old story, I will tell it to you. Once upon a time, an eagle’s egg rolled out of its nest and down the mountainside into the barnyard, where it hatched. The baby eagle was raised by the chickens and thought he was a chicken. Even though he never really fit in, he spent his life scratching around in the dirt and eating bugs with the chickens, because he didn’t know any better. Many times he looked up at the birds flying high above, and something tugged at his heart. He felt connected to the birds in the sky and wished he could fly as well. The chickens laughed at him when they noticed him aspiring to be more than they had made him. They wanted to keep him in what they considered to be “his place”, trapped there in the barnyard with them, instead of reaching his full potential. Then one day, the eagle was surprised to discover that he could fly after all. He soared up into the sky to join his real family. Ever since then, he has soared through the heavens, close to God, where he always belonged.
So it is indeed possible for your whole family to be wrong and you right. Is it your fate to spend your life scratching around in the dirt, pecking for bugs, just because that is how you were raised, that is what your “relatives” do, and that is what they want you to do so you will never be any better than they are? Or is it your destiny to soar like the eagle, into the heavens, far above the chickens below, and be forever closer to God?
By the grace of God, may we all overcome the unfortunate example of our upbringings and be all that God intended us to be. We are free to stand against wickedness. We are no longer children of evil. We are the righteous children of God, heirs to his majesty! We, beloved daughters of the King of Kings, are unfit to scratch in the dirt with the chickens. And the chickens are unfit to touch the hand of God, while we are held in the palm of our Father’s hand. CAN A MOTHER FORGET THE BABY AT HER BREAST AND HAVE NO COMPASSION ON THE CHILD SHE HAS BORNE? THOUGH SHE MAY FORGET, I WILL NOT FORGET YOU! SEE, I HAVE ENGRAVED YOU ON THE PALMS OF MY HANDS…Isaiah 49: 15-16. We are destined by the precious Blood of Jesus to soar with the eagles! Hallelujah! Father, we exalt you! Glory to your mighty Name!
DO NOT BE YOKED TOGETHER WITH
UNBELIEVERS. FOR WHAT DO
RIGHTEOUSNESS AND WICKEDNESS HAVE IN COMMON? WHAT FELLOWSHIP CAN LIGHT HAVE WITH
DARKNESS? WHAT HARMONY IS THERE
BETWEEN CHRIST AND BELIAL?...FOR WE ARE THE
In You, O Lord, I put my trust; Let me never be put to shame. Deliver me in Your righteousness, and cause me to escape; Incline Your ear to me, and save me.
Be my strong refuge, to which I may resort continually; You have given the commandment to save me, for You are my rock and my fortress.
Deliver me, O my God, out of the hand of the wicked, Out of the hand of the unrighteous and cruel man.
For You are my hope, O Lord God; You are my trust from my youth.
By You I have been upheld from birth; You are He who took me out of my mother’s womb.
My praise shall continually be of you.
I have become as a wonder to many, but You are my strong refuge.
Let my mouth be filled with Your praise and with Your glory all the day.
……Psalm 71: 1-8 NKJV
Copyright 2002-2013.-All articles on this site are copyrighted. Permission to copy is granted for non-profit use only.Please help yourself to anything we write if you can use it to help others. A link back to this site is our only requirement. Please contact us for any commercial or other use. All e-mails, letters, and other correspondence become the property of Luke 17:3 Ministries, Inc. Due to the large volume of e-mails, we're sorry that we are unable to personally answer every one, but we do lift everyone who writes to us in prayer to the Lord.
The Lord specifically called Sister Renee to minister to Adult Children, not their parents, estranged siblings or friends, abusive or abused spouses, or victims of other types of abuse, although what we write here can often be meaningful for those folks as well. Because of this, our ministry and website have a narrow focus which we will not be changing. We simply can't cover everything. In addition, it is not our purpose to help you re-establish contact with someone who felt it was necessary to cut you off for the sake of their own well-being. We do not keep a list of resources for estranged parents or any other type of abuse and suggest if you are sincerely interested in making amends with an estranged relative, you do an internet search for a website or group that will be more relevant to you. If you cannot find a group or site that you can relate to, we suggest you start your own, and bless other people in your position as well as find support for your personal issues.
For Adult Children and others as well, please understand that we cannot give you personal advice concerning your particular family relationships. We are not therapists or lawyers, we usually do not have enough information to form an opinion, and time does not permit us to give enough thought to each person's individual situation to do it justice. If you need personal advice, we urge you to contact the appropriate professional, depending on the problem you have- your minister, therapist, attorney, police department, local domestic violence hotline, etc. In reading this site, you acknowledge that nothing you might read here qualifies as or substitutes for professional advice. Please note we cannot recommend or refer you to a counselor and we do not have a list of therapists or recovery groups in your area. The only Counselor we recommend is the Holy Ghost, and we encourage you to read the Bible and learn for yourself what the Lord says about the issues we write about.
Our articles are strictly our personal opinions and testimonies and are not intended to give or offer any advice. All who access this site do so with the understanding that we are NOT professional counselors and we strongly recommend that you discuss your individual situation with your pastor or therapist and pray for the Lord's guidance before acting on anything we write on this site. Unfortunately, the abuse we discuss is all too common, inflicted on countless victims by countless perpetrators. All names and identifying details in our articles have been changed to protect the innocent as well as the guilty. Any resemblance to a real person or persons whom you might know is strictly coincidental.