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MAY 2007 NewsletterLUKE
17:3 Ministries for
adult daughters of
controlling or abusive birth-families A
sisterhood for those who seek support in developing self-esteem, setting
boundaries and limits, forgiveness, Godly confrontation, recognizing and cutting
ties with reprobates, healing, and rejoicing in the peace and love
of the Lord, our
Father take
heed to yourselves. If thy brother
trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him……..Luke
17:3 HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY,
DEAR SISTERS! VOLUME
5, ISSUE
Luke 17: 3 is the scripture often misquoted, usually by an abuser or his
enabler, when he tells you that the Bible says “Forgive and Forget”, or that you
must forgive him because you are a
Christian. However, Jesus is very
specific when he tells us to rebuke the sinner, and if he repents,
to forgive him. Have you rebuked
your abuser, and has he or she repented? THE
ONLY FORM OF ABUSE STILL CONDONED BY SOCIETY. THE ONLY ABUSE IN WHICH THE VICTIM IS
CRITICIZED OR ABANDONED FOR TRYING TO PROTECT HERSELF. CHILD ABUSE THAT DIDN’T END WHEN ADULTHOOD
BEGAN…THE CONTINUING ABUSE OF GROWN CHILDREN BY THEIR
PARENTS. If
you have ever experienced Adult Child
Abuse by a parent, sibling, or other relative, We Welcome
You! Our
newsletter is sent to you free-of-charge, as the Lord continually provides. Do
you know someone who would like to be on our mailing list? If
so, please contact: Rev.
Renee Pittelli Luke
17:3 Ministries, Inc. or
E-mail us at: Luke
173@hotmail.com VISIT
OUR WEBSITE
AT: www.luke173ministries.org
Please ask about our Luke 17:3 Ministry
in Thank
you Jesus! Claiming the
victory ANNOUNCING LUKE 17:3 MINISTRIES 2ND ANNUAL
SAY NO
TO ADULT-CHILD ABUSE WEEK We will
celebrate S.N.A.C.A. Week every year starting the Sunday after Mother’s Day to
honor, encourage, and stand up for all the Adult Children everywhere who spent
Mother’s Day hurting, aggravated,
and stressed out because of abusive, controlling, or abandoning
birth-families. For
S.N.A.C.A. Week, we will: 1. Spend five minutes every day this week
lifting all abuse victims to the Lord in prayer, praying for protection for
them, for the courage to do what they must to change their circumstances or
leave their abusive relationships, and for peace of mind and
heart. 2. Tell at least one person the truth about
our abusive relative this week.
Promise ourselves that for the rest of the year, we will not protect our
abusive relative by our silence any longer, we will reveal the abuse to others,
and will bring all deeds done in darkness into the light. Tell the truth and the truth shall set
us free! 3. This week, we will choose one limit that
we are going to set and enforce with our abusive or controlling birth-relative
from now on. 4. This week, we will choose one thing we
dread doing, but always get pressured into, such as spending a holiday with an
abusive relative, and decide not to do it this year. By the end of the week, we will make
concrete plans to do something else instead, and carry them out when the time
comes. 5. This week, we will think of one thing we
want to do, but haven’t yet, because of our family’s disapproval. We will commit to doing it this year,
or, if it’s something long-term like finishing our education, commit to starting
it this year. 6. This week, we will commit to validating,
encouraging, and praying for any abuse victim the Lord causes to cross our paths
for the rest of the year. Please spread the word to
your friends! Join
us and let’s take a stand together to stop birth family-abuse, by the grace of
God STARTING SUNDAY, MAY
20th! @@ @@@@ @@@@@ *\!!/* {{>>o<<}} /!\ Please tell your friends
about SNACA Week and post it on your message boards and chat groups. We would be very thankful if you would
ask everyone to pray for the success of SNACA Week in bringing comfort,
encouragement, and the love of the Lord to Adult Children and all abuse victims. For more info, log onto www.luke173ministries.org. Thanks & God bless J I Am A Soldier
In The Army Of God! I am a soldier in the Army of God. The Lord Jesus Christ is my Commanding
Officer. The Holy Bible is my code of conduct. Faith, prayer, and the Word are my weapons of
warfare. I have been taught by the Holy Spirit, Trained by experience, Tried by adversity, And tested by fire. I am a volunteer in this Army, And I am enlisted for eternity. I will either retire in this Army at the
rapture, Or die in this Army; But I will not get out, sell out, be talked out, or be pushed out. I am faithful, reliable, capable, and
dependable. If my God needs me, I am there! I am a soldier. I am not a
baby. I do not need to be pampered, petted, primed up, picked up, or pepped
up. I am a soldier. No one has to call me, remind me, write me, visit me, entice me, or lure
me. I am a soldier. I am not a
wimp. I am in place, saluting my King, Obeying His orders, praising His name, and building His kingdom! No one has to send me flowers, gifts, food, cards,
candy, Or give me handouts. I do not need to be coddled, cradled, cared for, or catered
to. I am committed. I cannot have my feelings hurt badly enough to turn me
around. I cannot be discouraged enough to turn me
aside. I cannot lose enough to cause me to quit. When Jesus called me into this Army, I had
nothing. If I end up with nothing, I will still come out
ahead. I will win. My God has, and will continue, to supply all of my
needs. I am more than a conqueror.
I will always triumph. I can do all things through Christ. Devils cannot defeat me, people cannot disillusion me, Weather cannot weary me, sickness cannot stop me. Battles cannot beat me, money cannot buy me. Governments cannot silence me, And hell cannot handle me. I am a soldier. Even death cannot destroy me. For when my Commander calls me from this
battlefield, He will promote me to Captain and Then allow me to rule with Him. I am a soldier in God’s Army, And I am marching to claim the victory. I will not give up. I will not turn around. I am a soldier, marching heaven bound! Here I stand! Will you stand
with me? ...Written by
B.J. Morbitzer god’s word Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the
child she has borne? Though she may
forget, I will not forget you! See,
I have engraved you on the palms of my hands….Isaiah 49: 15-16 Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me. Teach me your way, O Lord: lead me in a
straight path because of my oppressors….Psalm
27:10-11 No one will be able to stand up against you all the days of your
life. As I was with Moses, so I
will be with you: I will never
leave you nor forsake you….Joshua 1:5 Naked
came I from my mother’s womb, and naked will I depart. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken
away; may the name of the Lord be praised….Job No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved
us…..Romans 8:37 The Wisdom Of
Proverbs To do what is right
and just is more acceptable to the Lord than sacrifice…..Proverbs
21:3 Jesus is
Lord!
They Can’t All Be Wrong And
You Right…Or Can They? Family
Mob Mentality, The Pathological Denial of The Truth, And The Scapegoating Of
Those Who Speak It. Part
2 THE LORD OF THE
FLIES THE DISCIPLE IS NOT ABOVE
HIS MASTER, NOR THE SERVANT ABOVE HIS LORD. IT IS ENOUGH FOR THE DISCIPLE THAT
HE BE AS HIS MASTER, AND THE SERVANT AS HIS LORD. IF THEY HAVE CALLED THE MASTER
OF THE HOUSE BEELZEBUB, HOW MUCH MORE SHALL THEY CALL THEM OF HIS
HOUSEHOLD?...Matthew
The translation of
"Beelzebub", which is one of Satan's names, is "Lord of the
Flies".
In an abusive family, there is usually one “ALPHA DOG” evil person, who
is perceived by the others as the most powerful, and who controls the family,
usually overtly and blatantly, but sometimes behind-the-scenes. However, many, if not most, other
members possess abusive traits and tendencies as well, which they must keep in
check simply because they are not in the “ALPHA DOG” position, and they do not
want the real Alpha to
think they are challenging him.
In true “Lord of the Flies” fashion, they gain power-by-association and
vicarious thrills by aligning themselves with the one they perceive as Alpha-
the strongest and most wicked- and ganging up on the one who is the most
helpless and vulnerable. Then they
can stay in Alpha’s favor by taking his side, and feel powerful themselves, if
only for a little while, by dominating the more helpless person. Just like the chickens we’ll discuss
later, there is a pecking order to be maintained. MANY SEEK AN AUDIENCE WITH A RULER, BUT
IT IS FROM THE LORD THAT MAN GETS JUSTICE….Proverbs
29:26.
This type of Mob Mentality was used against an innocent Jesus by the Jews
who saw him as a threat to their identity, power, and control. Their desperation to eliminate him was
so extreme that they insisted he had to be destroyed. They would consider no other reasonable
alternatives. In their panic to
maintain their power structure, they worked themselves up to a fever pitch. They gladly annihilated Jesus just to
shut him up:
ONCE MORE PILATE CAME OUT AND
SAID TO THE JEWS, “LOOK, I AM BRINGING HIM OUT TO YOU TO LET YOU KNOW THAT I
FIND NO BASIS FOR A CHARGE AGAINST HIM.”…AS SOON AS THE CHIEF PRIESTS AND THEIR
OFFICIALS SAW HIM, THEY SHOUTED, “CRUCIFY! CRUCIFY!” BUT PILATE ANSWERED, “YOU TAKE HIM AND
CRUCIFY HIM. AS FOR ME, I FIND NO
BASIS FOR A CHARGE AGAINST HIM.”
THE JEWS INSISTED, “WE HAVE A LAW, AND ACCORDING TO THAT LAW, HE MUST
DIE, BECAUSE HE CLAIMED TO BE THE SON OF GOD.” WHEN PILATE HEARD THIS, HE WAS EVEN MORE
AFRAID, AND HE WENT BACK INSIDE THE PALACE. “WHERE DO YOU COME FROM?” HE ASKED
JESUS, BUT JESUS GAVE HIM NO ANSWER. “DO YOU REFUSE TO SPEAK TO ME? PILATE SAID.
“DON’T YOU REALIZE I HAVE POWER EITHER TO FREE YOU OR TO CRUCIFY YOU?”
JESUS ANSWERED, “YOU WOULD
HAVE NO POWER OVER ME IF IT WERE NOT GIVEN TO YOU FROM ABOVE. THEREFORE THE ONE WHO HANDED ME OVER TO
YOU IS GUILTY OF A GREATER SIN.”
FROM THEN ON, PILATE TRIED
TO SET JESUS FREE, BUT THE JEWS KEPT SHOUTING, “IF YOU LET THIS MAN GO, YOU ARE
NO FRIEND OF CAESAR. ANYONE WHO CLAIMS TO BE A KING OPPOSES CAESAR.” WHEN PILATE HEARD THIS, HE BROUGHT JESUS
OUT…. “HERE IS YOUR KING,” PILATE SAID TO THE JEWS. BUT THEY SHOUTED, “TAKE HIM
AWAY! TAKE HIM AWAY! CRUCIFY HIM!”…..John 19: 4, 6-13,
14-15. A CASE OF ARRESTED
DEVELOPMENT
I DO NOT SIT WITH DECEITFUL
MEN, NOR DO I CONSORT WITH HYPOCRITES; I ABHOR THE ASSEMBLY OF EVILDOERS AND
REFUSE TO SIT WITH THE WICKED….Psalm 26:4
In my family, my relatives were well aware that my heart was broken
because my mother chose to disown me rather than agree that I needed and
deserved some freedom from her constant demands of exposure to my abusive
father. I was distraught over her
decision for weeks, and they knew it.
My one cousin, let’s call her “Agnes”, whom I had loved and supported
unconditionally since birth, seemed a little cool when, in tears, I told her
what my mother had done. As soon as
she had an alternate explanation from my mother, although it was obviously
untrue, it gave her an excuse to betray me and “choose
sides.”
It is interesting that Agnes had many issues with, and quite a bit of
resentment against, her own mother, who was my father’s sister. Yet she continued to be the “good little
girl”, relentlessly seeking her mother’s approval even under unreasonable
conditions, although she herself was now a grandmother. She did not stand up to her mother and
set limits. Did she feel threatened
by my knowing and possibly revealing this during my own “mother-turmoil”- so
that it was “safer” to eliminate me?
Did she envy that I was now free, even though I didn’t plan it that way,
and she wasn’t? Or did she feel
even more of a compulsion to assure her own mother that she was still a good,
obedient, little girl, by showing her disapproval of me standing up to my
parents?
A mature and righteous person remains neutral, does not take sides or
meddle, and perhaps tries to help the parties settle their differences and
reconcile. I had done this
for Agnes in one of her relationships a few years earlier, and at the time she
was extremely grateful. But here I
was, in a similar situation, and instead of doing something constructive, this
cousin added fuel to the fire. She
allowed me to be lied about and maligned, judged me, passed false rumors around
about me, and criticized me unjustly to others. She decided to take sides, something I
had certainly not asked her to do.
And when she did, it was to align herself with the older generation of
women, whom she knew to be manipulative, controlling, and less than truthful,
and to betray someone who had given her a lifetime of loyalty and love.
Agnes used her betrayal of me to prove her “respect” to her “elders” and
win the approval of her own mother and her mother’s peers- my parents- although
she lost the respect of most of the rest of the family. Did her 75-year old mother’s approval
matter so much that she would allow it to dictate whom she could and could not
have a relationship with? Was one
of the reasons she ended our very close, lifelong relationship to please her
mother?
Allowing your mother to have such influence and control over your life
that she makes relationship choices for you is something you have to accept when
you are a child, something you might go along with when you’re in your twenties,
pretty unattractive when you’re in your 30s, but downright Norman Bates-like
when you’re pushing 50!
Unfortunately, in many abusive families, pleasing parents or other
relatives, even when what they demand is morally wrong, or even if they are
wicked people, takes precedence.
Treachery is an ugly thing.
There is a huge character flaw in adults who allow others to influence
them in such matters. They are
selling out a loved one to buy approval and please someone
else.
Often weaker or immature family members are cases of arrested
development, still desperately seeking the approval of others, especially
parents, to make up for the love they think they never got as children. They may be grandparents themselves,
like Agnes, but they still want their mommy and daddy’s love no matter who they
have to stab in the back to get it.
The price is high. Every
time one compromises her principles and does the wrong thing, she loses some of
herself, and sells a bit of her soul to buy approval, which will never
come. Meanwhile, the unscrupulous
parent-figure will continue to manipulate the weaker-willed “child” by withholding their approval and
demanding more and more as proof of loyalty. DON’T ROCK THE
BOAT
In abusive families, the “blame-the-victim” mentality is alive and
well. It is almost universal that
the victim will be resented, often chastised or criticized, and possibly even
disowned, for “rocking the boat”, while no anger at all will be shown toward the
offender. THE RIGHTEOUS CARE ABOUT
JUSTICE FOR THE POOR, BUT THE WICKED HAVE NO SUCH CONCERN…Proverbs
29:7.
There is great resistance to a change in the status-quo. The thinking seems to be that the
offender has always been a problem, we all know it, and we all just live with
it, same as we have all these years.
But now, someone who has never been a problem in the past has suddenly
become one- simply by becoming a victim, or rather by her ongoing victimization
suddenly becoming an issue, when it never was before. Her new role as victim was forced upon
her against her will, but in dysfunctional families, the victim is always more
to blame for “putting the family” in an awkward or embarrassing position, than
the perpetrator is for causing it.
Although unwillingly and unintentionally, the victim has stepped out of
her assigned role and is now a threat to the stability of the family. She must be “kept in line” by the
disapproval, invalidation, or lack
of caring the family will show towards her, otherwise, she might do more damage
to the collective family “ego” by letting more skeletons out of the closet, or
revealing what is really going on to “outsiders”. After all, we have a “reputation” to
protect!
The same tactics will be used against a family member who has not
necessarily been victimized, but who is righteous and takes a stand against
evil. Often, this person is trying
to protect others, or to just speak up against something she knows is
wrong. Maybe she has been silent
for years, and suddenly her eyes have been opened or she has matured and
gathered enough strength to start speaking out.
It is often many years into their adulthoods before those who were raised
in abusive families realize that what they are experiencing is not normal, and
is indeed, evil. With God’s grace,
they find the courage to speak out and rock the boat. In so doing, they compel the rest
of the family to choose between good and evil by choosing whom to support and
whom to reject. Now each family
member will be forced to reveal their character and show their true colors. They resent being exposed, and the one
who exposed them- either the victim or the righteous person, but never the
abuser- is considered the “trouble-maker”. UGLY LITTLE FAMILY
SECRETS
HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH THE
FRUITLESS DEEDS OF DARKNESS, BUT RATHER EXPOSE THEM….Ephesians
5:11
SO DO NOT BE AFRAID OF
THEM. THERE IS NOTHING CONCEALED THAT WILL NOT BE DISCLOSED, OR HIDDEN THAT WILL
NOT BE MADE KNOWN. WHAT I TELL YOU IN THE DARK, SPEAK IN THE DAYLIGHT; WHAT IS
WHISPERED IN YOUR EAR, PROCLAIM FROM THE ROOFS. DO NOT BE AFRAID OF THOSE WHO
KILL THE BODY BUT CANNOT KILL THE SOUL. RATHER, BE AFRAID OF THE ONE WHO CAN
DESTROY BOTH SOUL AND BODY IN HELL....Matthew
10:26-28.
Abusive families usually have closets full of skeletons. Their way of dealing with such issues
does not involve courage, integrity, honor or truth, because they are sadly
lacking in all of these characteristics.
Dysfunctional families, as a whole and individually, have significant
shortages in this department. Few
will ever take a stand and defend a victim, even a child, and anyone with the
courage to do so will quickly be shut-up or discredited as the family goes into
“damage-control” mode. Every
violation of a defenseless, weaker, or gentle-hearted person, each crime against
the spirit of an innocent family member is simply filed away in the usually huge
box of deep, dark, dirty little “Family Secrets”, hopefully never to be spoken
of again.
In many ways, an abusive family is an ugly group, made up of ugly
people. Knowing the family will
never change, the victim of such ugliness often has little choice but to run
away and escape. And the righteous
person often must accept that she cannot change such people, and must make the
empowering choice to walk away rather than be tainted by their wickedness. WARN A DIVISIVE PERSON ONCE, AND THEN
WARN HIM A SECOND TIME. AFTER THAT, HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH HIM…Titus
3:10. WE’RE ONE BIG HAPPY FAMILY
AND DON’T YOU DARE LET ANYONE THINK WE’RE NOT!
IF A MAN PAYS BACK EVIL FOR GOOD, EVIL WILL NEVER LEAVE HIS
HOUSE….Proverbs 17:13
WOE TO THOSE WHO CALL EVIL GOOD AND GOOD EVIL, WHO PUT DARKNESS FOR LIGHT
AND LIGHT FOR DARKNESS…WHO ACQUIT THE GUILTY FOR A BRIBE BUT DENY JUSTICE TO THE
INNOCENT….Isaiah 5:20, 23.
Possibly, somewhere deep inside, abuse-enabling members feel remorse or
shame. More likely, they feel the
need to protect themselves from the embarrassment of others knowing the truth
about them. They will go to great
lengths to cover up their lack of integrity and courage, ignoring or denying the
abuse, blaming the victim, lying and twisting words, shunning or otherwise
“punishing” the victim, and discrediting the victim to other people. The
vehemence with which they do these things is indicative of how high the stakes
are in their cover-up.
If people believe the truth about their lowlife family when it is
revealed, how will they look for not having done anything about it? What will others think of them for
having allowed abuse, disloyalty, or treachery to thrive in their family without
ever doing anything to put a stop to it?
The shame and disgrace of not having done anything to protect a victim in
their own family will be on their heads, and everyone will know the truth about
them and their character.
The goal becomes preventing anyone else from finding out the family
secrets, as well as forbidding any honest communication within the family,
instead of doing anything constructive to change things. After all, if everyone was open and
honest and told the truth, then the family would be obligated to do something
about it, or be seen for the weak, morally bankrupt losers that they are. Far easier to hide their heads in the
sand and continue on as usual, pretending nothing ever happened.
The only problem is that the victim serves as a constant reminder that
something DID happen, and nobody did the right thing and defended her or
validated her. Therefore, the only
way for the family to be able to live with itself and look good to others is to
invalidate the victim, shut her up, minimize or deny what was done to her, and
force her to go along with the family agenda of pretending that everything is
just fine.
THE RIGHTEOUS ONE TAKES NOTE OF THE HOUSE OF THE WICKED AND BRINGS THE
WICKED TO RUIN. IF A MAN SHUTS HIS
EARS TO THE CRY OF THE POOR, HE TOO WILL CRY OUT AND NOT BE ANSWERED…Proverbs
In my own family, I am convinced that this dynamic played a role in my
aunt and her two daughters, and certainly my mother and birth-sister, disowning
me and my husband and children when I began standing up to my birth-father’s
abuse. These five people had
witnessed his evil all their lives.
Sometimes it had been directed at them, sometimes they had silently
watched an innocent victim be abused.
They had complained about it, talked about it, and pretended to think it
was terrible. But they had never
actually done anything about it. SPEAK UP FOR THOSE WHO CANNOT SPEAK FOR
THEMSELVES, FOR THE RIGHTS OF ALL WHO ARE DESTITUTE, SPEAK UP AND JUDGE
FAIRLY….Proverbs 31:8-9.
Their silence condoned my birth-father’s wickedness and he viewed it as
approval. They made it possible for
him to continue abusing unchallenged.
By not trying to stop him, they encouraged him. They were a part of it, just as guilty
as he was. They had never stood up for what was right- and when I did, it made
them aware of their own cowardice and moral failures. When we take a stand against oppression
and evil, those who don’t are often filled with shame and can no longer feel
comfortable in our presence. They
need to avoid the good person (or the VICTIM), or be reminded constantly of their own
disgrace, so, rather than purge the evil from their midst (EXPEL THE WICKED MAN FROM AMONG YOU…1
Corinthians
I like to call this attitude the “We’re One Big Happy Family And Don’t
You Dare Let Anyone Think We’re Not” phenomena. In many dysfunctional families, it
becomes very important for members to prove to themselves and others that they
are normal and happy. In truly
normal families, members enjoy their lives, loving and caring for each other,
and never give this much thought.
They don’t have to PROVE anything to anyone and they don’t have to PROVE
they’re happy.
But in abusive families, much collective energy is spent on covering up
the truth. It is a point of pride
to be known in the community, or even in their own self-deception, as “one big
happy family”. Abusive families
like to show off and brag about this, in part to cover up what is really going
on, in part to make others envy them, and in part to feel good about themselves,
when in truth they have nothing to be proud of. The mere presence of a victim threatens
the “one big happy family”
fairy-tale that the relatives have so much vested in, therefore, it
becomes imperative to deny that there is indeed a victim in the
family. THE BLACK SHEEP
CONTENT
HE WARNED THE ASSEMBLY,” MOVE BACK FROM THE TENTS OF THESE WICKED
MEN! DO NOT TOUCH ANYTHING
BELONGING TO THEM, OR YOU WILL BE SWEPT AWAY BECAUSE OF ALL THEIR SINS”…Numbers
In many respects, abusive families are exactly the opposite of normal
families. One of the most
interesting aspects of this is the “Black Sheep Content” of the family, or how
many “black sheep” the family contains.
It is said that there is a “black sheep” in every family. Being defined as a “black sheep” in a
normal family means a person is the one unrighteous relative who doesn’t care
about anyone else and never does the right thing. He is someone whose behavior is
unacceptable in a Godly family and in society as a whole.
The difference with abusive families is that they are ALL BLACK
SHEEP. Or they certainly would be
considered “black sheep” if they were members of a normal family, by virtue of
their character deficits, personality disorders, lack of morality, selfishness,
abusiveness, unlovingness, etc.
The thing is, THEY ARE NOT MEMBERS OF A NORMAL FAMILY. They are members of a family of “Black
Sheep”, where everybody validates and encourages their unrighteous behavior and
they fit in just fine. What is
completely unacceptable elsewhere is perfectly acceptable in such a family. Wickedness is a way of life for them and
enables them to get what they want by whatever means necessary. The family closes rank around a member
who does evil because birds of a feather stick together.
TO THE PURE, ALL THINGS ARE
PURE, BUT TO THOSE WHO ARE CORRUPTED AND DO NOT BELIEVE, NOTHING IS PURE. IN FACT, BOTH THEIR MINDS AND
CONSCIENCES ARE CORRUPTED. THEY
CLAIM TO KNOW GOD, BUT BY THEIR ACTIONS THEY DENY HIM. THEY ARE DETESTABLE,
DISOBEDIENT, AND UNFIT FOR DOING ANYTHING GOOD....Titus
1:15-16.
There may be one family member who has always been giving, loving, sweet,
and gentle in nature- the one that everyone else took advantage of and
abused. Because of her humility and
good-heartedness, this person was always in the background and never got much
attention from the wicked family members, other than abuse- kind of like
Cinderella. She is the “eagle
raised by chickens”. This is what
Kathy was in her family. But then
someone, like Diane, goes overboard and victimizes this person in a major way,
bringing her to the forefront of everyone else’s attention. For the first time she, and her
righteousness, are noticed and cannot be denied. The very existence of a victim will have
the abusive family scrambling to cover up, and twist the truth so that the
victim becomes their “black sheep”.
A similar situation occurs when one or two family members rebel against
the family system of abuse. That
person or persons then will be scapegoated by the family and will become the
abusive family’s “Black Sheep”. THE RIGHTEOUS DETEST THE DISHONEST; THE
WICKED DETEST THE UPRIGHT…Proverbs 29:27. At some point, one can only hope,
someone in such a family will begin standing up for what is right. Perhaps she has finally grown into a
mature adult, perhaps she moved away for a while and got free from the family’s
sphere of influence, perhaps she herself was victimized one too many times by
her family, perhaps she observed the normal families of her friends and noticed
and admired the differences. Or
perhaps the Lord touched her heart.
Either way, somewhere along the line, someone becomes the one righteous
family member, or one who has been righteous all along is finally noticed. This person’s presence threatens the
entire family system- with exposure, public ridicule, pressure to change, etc.
Imagine if this person’s
example caused a second family member, or a third, to reject the family’s
wickedness. The entire abusive family system would be in danger of
collapse! To protect themselves and
their evil ways, the family will trot out a whole arsenal of weapons- including
denial, indignation, lies, anger, rage, irrationality, blame, threats, and
“disowning” the rebel. Abusive families tend to close ranks and
shut out anyone who is NOT LIKE US.
This means anyone who has integrity, honor, honesty, kindness, courage,
decency and especially LOVE. The righteousness of others highlights the glaring
character deficiencies of the wicked.
The children of Satan must either shut up or eliminate the children of
God. PUT ON THE FULL ARMOR OF GOD SO THAT YOU
CAN TAKE YOUR STAND AGAINST THE DEVIL’S SCHEMES. FOR OUR STRUGGLE IS NOT AGAINST FLESH
AND BLOOD, BUT AGAINST THE RULERS, AGAINST THE AUTHORITIES, AGAINST THE POWERS
OF THIS DARK WORLD AND AGAINST THE SPIRITUAL FORCES OF EVIL IN THE HEAVENLY
REALMS. THEREFORE, PUT ON THE FULL
ARMOR OF GOD, SO THAT WHEN THE DAY OF EVIL COMES, YOU MAY BE ABLE TO STAND YOUR
GROUND, AND AFTER YOU HAVE DONE EVERYTHING, TO STAND…Ephesians 6:11-13
And so, in abusive families, the righteous are considered the “black
sheep”, while in normal families, the unrighteous are the “black sheep”. In both kinds of families, the black
sheep is given several opportunities to change her ways, and will be ostracized
or punished in some way if she does not.
The only way to be welcomed back into the fold, like the Prodigal Son, is
to renounce one’s “misbehavior” and conform once again to what the family wants.
For the black sheep in a normal family, this means maturing and becoming
a functioning, considerate, caring person, who behaves in ways acceptable to
society, the family, and the Lord.
For the black sheep in an abusive family, this means taking a giant step
backwards in her growth and the development of her soul, compromising her
principles, going back to accepting and defending evil, and in the process,
becoming wicked herself. The only
way to earn the acceptance of evil people is to become an evil person as
well. For a Godly person, that is
too high a price to pay. WHEN JUSTICE
IS DONE, IT BRINGS JOY TO THE RIGHTEOUS BUT TERROR TO EVILDOERS…Proverbs
21:15. THE EAGLE WHO WAS RAISED BY
CHICKENS
I previously referred to the “eagle who was raised by chickens.” If you are unfamiliar with this old
story, I will tell it to you. Once upon a time, an eagle’s egg rolled out of its
nest and down the mountainside into the barnyard, where it hatched. The baby eagle was raised by the
chickens and thought he was a chicken.
Even though he never really fit in, he spent his life scratching around
in the dirt and eating bugs with the chickens, because he didn’t know any
better. Many times he looked
up at the birds flying high above, and something tugged at his heart. He felt connected to the birds in the
sky and wished he could fly as well. The chickens laughed at him when they
noticed him aspiring to be more than they had made him. They wanted to keep him in what they
considered to be “his place”, trapped there in the barnyard with them, instead
of reaching his full potential.
Then one day, the eagle was surprised to discover that he could fly after
all. He soared up into the sky to
join his real family. Ever since
then, he has soared through the heavens, close to God, where he always belonged.
So it is indeed possible for your whole family to be wrong and you
right. Is it your fate to spend
your life scratching around in the dirt, pecking for bugs, just because that is
how you were raised, that is what your “relatives” do, and that is what they
want you to do so you will never be any better than they are? Or is it your destiny to soar like the
eagle, into the heavens, far above the chickens below, and be forever closer to
God?
By the grace of God, may we all overcome the unfortunate example of our
upbringings and be all that God intended us to be. We are free to stand against
wickedness. We are no longer
children of evil. We are the
righteous children of God, heirs to his majesty! We, beloved daughters of the King
of Kings, are unfit to scratch in the dirt with the chickens. And the chickens are unfit to touch the
hand of God, while we are held in the palm of our Father’s hand. CAN A MOTHER FORGET THE BABY AT HER
BREAST AND HAVE NO COMPASSION ON THE CHILD SHE HAS BORNE? THOUGH SHE MAY FORGET, I WILL NOT FORGET
YOU! SEE, I HAVE ENGRAVED YOU ON
THE PALMS OF MY HANDS…Isaiah 49: 15-16. We are destined by the precious
Blood of Jesus to soar with the eagles!
Hallelujah! Father, we exalt
you! Glory to your mighty
Name!
DO NOT BE YOKED TOGETHER WITH
UNBELIEVERS. FOR WHAT DO
RIGHTEOUSNESS AND WICKEDNESS HAVE IN COMMON? WHAT FELLOWSHIP CAN LIGHT HAVE WITH
DARKNESS? WHAT HARMONY IS THERE
BETWEEN CHRIST AND BELIAL?...FOR WE ARE THE
In You, O
Lord, I put my trust; Let me never
be put to shame. Deliver me in Your
righteousness, and cause me to escape;
Incline Your ear to me, and save me. Be my strong
refuge, to which I may resort continually;
You have given the commandment to save me, for You are my rock and my
fortress. Deliver me,
O my God, out of the hand of the wicked, Out of the hand of the unrighteous and
cruel man. For You are
my hope, O Lord God; You are my
trust from my youth. By You I
have been upheld from birth; You
are He who took me out of my mother’s womb. My praise
shall continually be of you. I have
become as a wonder to many, but You are my strong refuge. Let my mouth
be filled with Your praise and with Your glory all the
day. ……Psalm 71:
1-8 NKJV
Copyright 2002-2013.-All articles on this site are copyrighted. Permission to copy is granted for non-profit use only.Please help yourself to anything we write if you can use it to help others. A link back to this site is our only requirement. Please contact us for any commercial or other use. All e-mails, letters, and other correspondence become the property of Luke 17:3 Ministries, Inc. Due to the large volume of e-mails, we're sorry that we are unable to personally answer every one, but we do lift everyone who writes to us in prayer to the Lord.
The Lord specifically called Sister Renee to minister to Adult Children, not their parents, estranged siblings or friends, abusive or abused spouses, or victims of other types of abuse, although what we write here can often be meaningful for those folks as well. Because of this, our ministry and website have a narrow focus which we will not be changing. We simply can't cover everything. In addition, it is not our purpose to help you re-establish contact with someone who felt it was necessary to cut you off for the sake of their own well-being. We do not keep a list of resources for estranged parents or any other type of abuse and suggest if you are sincerely interested in making amends with an estranged relative, you do an internet search for a website or group that will be more relevant to you. If you cannot find a group or site that you can relate to, we suggest you start your own, and bless other people in your position as well as find support for your personal issues.
For Adult Children and others as well, please understand that we cannot give you personal advice concerning your particular family relationships. We are not therapists or lawyers, we usually do not have enough information to form an opinion, and time does not permit us to give enough thought to each person's individual situation to do it justice. If you need personal advice, we urge you to contact the appropriate professional, depending on the problem you have- your minister, therapist, attorney, police department, local domestic violence hotline, etc. In reading this site, you acknowledge that nothing you might read here qualifies as or substitutes for professional advice. Please note we cannot recommend or refer you to a counselor and we do not have a list of therapists or recovery groups in your area. The only Counselor we recommend is the Holy Ghost, and we encourage you to read the Bible and learn for yourself what the Lord says about the issues we write about.
Our articles are strictly our personal opinions and testimonies and are not intended to give or offer any advice. All who access this site do so with the understanding that we are NOT professional counselors and we strongly recommend that you discuss your individual situation with your pastor or therapist and pray for the Lord's guidance before acting on anything we write on this site. Unfortunately, the abuse we discuss is all too common, inflicted on countless victims by countless perpetrators. All names and identifying details in our articles have been changed to protect the innocent as well as the guilty. Any resemblance to a real person or persons whom you might know is strictly coincidental.
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