Luke 17:3 Ministries Inc
Sunday, April 23, 2017
For Adult Daughters of Controlling or Abusive Birth-Families
A Little About Us
In every asylum, there are always a few who don't really belong there....
This website is dedicated with humble appreciation to all of our normal, loving family members and friends, with whom we shared so many good times, who gave us a ray of hope and an island of stability to cling to in the angry seas of our chaotic childhoods, who gave us the priceless gift of happy memories, who blessed our lives with their presence, and who have gone before us to that bright land where we'll never grow old:
My Gramps Mike, Mama Rose, Nana Grace, Grandma Edna, Grandpa Edgar, Grandma Far-Away Lena, Grandma Maria, Cousin Tony, Aunt Florrie, Uncle Petey, Matty, Uncle Jimmy, Willie, Uncle Dick, Uncle Mario, Dotty, Uncle Lawrence, Aunt Lena, Cousin Rose, Aunt Eunice, Uncle Joe, and Godmother Marie.
You are greatly missed. Thank you. Until we meet again.....
And now, a little about us.....
Sister Renee Pittelli is a married mother of two grown sons, and a grandmother. She is 65 years old and has been saved for 45 years.
Sister Denise Rossignol is a married mother of one daughter and three sons, a grandmother, and an Air Force veteran. She is 50 years old and has been saved for 31 years.
We met at a church dinner 26 years ago and have been sisters ever since. We praise the Lord for bringing us and our families together.
We are ordinary women who love the Lord and have been called to serve him by sharing our testimony with you. Although we were not raised in the same household, we shared the same childhood. We had been abused, exploited and victimized by birth-relatives all our lives, and throughout our adulthoods, until the Lord gave us the wisdom, courage, and strength to change our situations. As we shared our testimony with other women, they, in turn, have told us their stories of pain, stress, and grief. On this site we will share what we have learned from our own experiences and the stories of other women as well.
Because Luke 17:3 Ministries ministers to adult women who are being abused on an ongoing basis, our focus will be emotional abuse, rather than physical or sexual abuse. This is for the simple reason that, while many of us have been physically or sexually abused as children, so far no one has shared with us a story of being victimized in this way by their birth-family as an adult. That is not to say it doesn't happen, only that we have little to share with you about physical or sexual abuse of adults within the scope of our experiences. So most of what you read here will be about emotional, psychological, verbal, or spiritual abuse.
***When we refer to abusive or controlling "birth-families", we mean the family who raised you, and who was supposed to love and protect you. This includes adoptive, step-, and foster families.
As you are reading, you may feel a little overwhelmed at times. It can be very draining as you start to learn about and process these testimonies and your own victimization. We encourage you to read a little at a time, and then take a break and come back to it. Sometimes it's a lot to absorb all at once.
All who visit this site do so with the understanding that we are not psychologists or professional counselors. Though we have much in common, each of our situations is unique in its own way. Before acting on any ideas you may find on this site, we strongly urge you to discuss your individual circumstances with your pastor or therapist, and to earnestly pray to the Holy Spirit for wisdom and guidance in making decisions about your own relationships.
This site is a work in progress, and will be added to periodically as we wait on direction from the Lord., Please visit us often to see what's new. When you click on a section name on the left menu, you will be shown a list of articles included in that section. If you would like to see the full titles of articles before reading them, please use the Index Of Articles And Announcements page (6th from the top on the left menu).
ALL ARTICLES ON THIS SITE ARE COPYRIGHTED. PERMISSION IS GRANTED TO COPY FOR NON-PROFIT USE ONLY. Please help yourself to anything we have written if you can use it to help someone else. A link back to our website is our only requirement.
Please contact us at any time as we love to hear from you. Pray that the Lord uses us to encourage you according to his will. God bless you in your search for peace and happiness.
Have you been abused by a birth-parent, sibling, or other relative, and has this abuse continued into your adulthood? Have you been controlled, manipulated, criticized, insulted, humiliated, betrayed, or abandoned by someone you loved? Have you been called names, screamed at, shouted at, or ordered around? Do you have a relative who intrudes and pries into your life and tells you what to do? Do you have a one-way relationship, with you doing all of the giving and none of the receiving? Are unreasonable demands or expectations placed upon you? Does your birth-family expect unquestioned obedience, even though you are now an adult? Have you been threatened with being disowned, cut out of the family or out of the will? Have you been lied to, lied about, gossiped about, cheated, or even stolen from by a family member? Have you been sabotaged, undermined, disrespected, demeaned, degraded, or the target of jealousy or envy from a parent or sibling? Have you been asked or pressured to lie, cover up, keep family secrets or do anything else you are uncomfortable with? Are you always taking care of others at your expense, while your needs are constantly ignored? Have your husband or children been hurt by or witnessed abuse from your relatives?
Have you tried to set boundaries with your relative, only to have him refuse to accept responsibility, deny, blame you, or escalate his abuse? Have you felt it necessary to limit or avoid contact with this person in order to protect yourself, your husband, or your children? Were you put in the difficult position of having to confront a sick or elderly relative? When you began standing up for yourself, did your family member stop speaking to you rather than stop abusing you?
Have you been criticized, judged, betrayed, or abandoned by other family members for finally standing up for yourself? Do other relatives justify, rationalize, or even defend the abuser's behavior? Did these same people tolerate and accept the abuser's behavior, standing by silently while you were victimized, possibly for many years, and now the only disapproval they have ever voiced is aimed at you, for trying to protect yourself?
Sister, for those of us who have been raised in this kind of family, surrounded by abusive relatives and their enablers our whole lives, this combination circus / horror show atmosphere can seem almost normal. Yet when we read these words in black and white, we are shocked by how bad it actually sounds. Those who have normal, loving families find it difficult to understand the distress, anxiety, and heartache we have lived with.
At first I did not understand the reasons why I lived through 47 years of control, abuse, and neglect by my birth-family, only to be cut off entirely when, in an effort to protect myself from the serious stress-related health problems I was developing, I finally started to set some limits. The pain of knowing they did not care about how their behavior was affecting me, and the anger and grief of their abandonment, after all I had done for them, was very traumatic. But in Romans 8:28, we are told, 'And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him.' It has taken me several years to begin to understand the depth of the meaning of that scripture in my life. At first, I only noticed how much better my life truly was without my abusive relatives. I felt relief at not having to deal with evil people all the time. I began to feel peace in my heart, and joy at my new-found freedom.
But, more importantly, my relationship with our Father grew greatly. When I was no longer in bondage to people I thought I needed to have in my life, I was able to appreciate and seek a much deeper relationship with the Lord. I have learned to tell him what is in my heart and to lean on him, and he has always gotten me through and never let me down. He has been with me every minute of my life, even when I didn't know it. His vast love for his children is beyond our ability to comprehend.
I want to assure you that you are not alone,and no matter what happens in your relationships with your birth-family members, you will never be without a family. You are a beloved sister in the family of God. You have the most wonderful parent there ever was, the only parent you will ever need. 'And do not call anyone on earth 'father', for you have one Father, and he is in heaven.'(Matthew 23:9NIV) You are his child, his treasured daughter, and he loves you! He will cherish you, protect you, comfort you, forgive you, teach you, and care for you. He knows what you need before you ask him (Matthew 6:8). He will never leave you nor forsake you (Deut.31:6, Joshua 1:5). He will provide for your every need.
He has sent his beloved Son, Jesus, to teach you his Word, to save you by his precious blood, and to open the gates of heaven for you, so that you will spend eternity with him in glory! Jesus is our King and Lord, but he is also your brother (Mark 3:35, Matthew 12:50) and your friend (John 15:14-16). By the grace of the Lord Jesus will you stand, no matter what comes against you (Hebrews 13:5-6)! You do not even have to worry about how to defend yourself, or what to say, for the Holy Spirit will give you the words you need at the right time (Luke 12:11-12).
Our God is faithful and his grace is sufficient for all our needs! Praise his holy name! My prayer for you is that you will come to know your real Father in a deep and meaningful way, and that he will abundantly bless your life with the peace, joy, and love that only he can provide. GLORY TO GOD!
In His love, Sister Renee
Copyright 2002-2016.-All articles on this site are copyrighted. Permission to copy is granted for non-profit use only.Please help yourself to anything we write if you can use it to help others. A link back to this site is our only requirement. Please contact us for any commercial or other use. All e-mails, letters, and other correspondence become the property of Luke 17:3 Ministries, Inc. Due to the large volume of e-mails, we're sorry that we are unable to personally answer every one, but we do lift everyone who writes to us in prayer to the Lord.
The Lord specifically called Sister Renee to minister to Adult Children, not their parents, estranged siblings or friends, abusive or abused spouses, or victims of other types of abuse, although what we write here can often be meaningful for those folks as well. Because of this, our ministry and website have a narrow focus which we will not be changing. We simply can't cover everything. In addition, it is not our purpose to help you re-establish contact with someone who felt it was necessary to cut you off for the sake of their own well-being. We do not keep a list of resources for estranged parents or any other type of abuse and suggest if you are sincerely interested in making amends with an estranged relative, you do an internet search for a website or group that will be more relevant to you. If you cannot find a group or site that you can relate to, we suggest you start your own, and bless other people in your position as well as find support for your personal issues.
For Adult Children and others as well, please understand that we cannot give you personal advice concerning your particular family relationships. We are not therapists or lawyers, we usually do not have enough information to form an opinion, and time does not permit us to give enough thought to each person's individual situation to do it justice. If you need personal advice, we urge you to contact the appropriate professional, depending on the problem you have- your minister, therapist, attorney, police department, local domestic violence hotline, etc. In reading this site, you acknowledge that nothing you might read here qualifies as or substitutes for professional advice. Please note we cannot recommend or refer you to a counselor and we do not have a list of therapists or recovery groups in your area. The only Counselor we recommend is the Holy Ghost, and we encourage you to read the Bible and learn for yourself what the Lord says about the issues we write about.
Our articles are strictly our personal opinions and testimonies and are not intended to give or offer any advice. All who access this site do so with the understanding that we are NOT professional counselors and we strongly recommend that you discuss your individual situation with your pastor or therapist and pray for the Lord's guidance before acting on anything we write on this site. Unfortunately, the abuse we discuss is all too common, inflicted on countless victims by countless perpetrators. All names and identifying details in our articles have been changed to protect the innocent as well as the guilty. Any resemblance to a real person or persons whom you might know is strictly coincidental.